It’s Not About What He Says!

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I’m tired of telling this to my readers on Loveawake dating site blog but, sometimes we women just don't want to hear it. So I'm hopeful that people will take heart here:

FOCUS ON WHAT A MAN DOES AND, NOT WHAT HE SAYS- UNLESS HE’S TELLING YOU THAT HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP.

It’s not about what a man says but what he does. Actions speak louder than words and words should match actions.

What does that have to do with him telling you he doesn't want a relationship? It means that when he tells you that you should give him exactly what he wants- no relationship. REMOVE yourself from the situation. That means:

  • Don't call him.
  • Don't return his calls.
  • Don't text him.
  • Don't try to break him down or trick him into dating you.
  • Don't "hang out" with him.
  • Don't try to get into his head and figure him out.
  • DON'T COMPLICATE YOUR EMOTIONS BY HAVING SEX WITH HIM!

Cut your ties. You’re not his girlfriend, and he obviously doesn't want you to be, so you have no obligation to him.

If a man is serious about not wanting a relationship with you he won’t miss you. He won’t care that you’re no longer in his life. Save yourself some heartache and focus on people who do want you in their lives.

What if his words say he doesn't want a relationship but his actions say that he does? He's sending mixed signals...notice how his words aren't matching his actions! He's trying to have his cake and eat it too (i.e. having all the benefits of a relationship without actually having to call it a relationship) or string you along. The same rule applies here too- you must REMOVE yourself from the situation. If it turns out that he really does want to have a relationship he'll man up and step up to the plate to prove his interest but, only after you've moved on and away from him-men are funny that way. Even so, this type of behavior is immature. Do you really want to be with an immature man? Your time is too precious.

Bottom line: when a man tells you he doesn’t want or isn’t ready for a relationship BELIEVE HIM and ACT ACCORDINGLY.

Big Fish

It is understood that a man will have different selection criteria when choosing a woman to be his wife and mother of his children. Criteria that is often different from what a woman will seek in a online or offline mate.

It's also quite common for a woman to want to be with a man of means: a big fish. I see nothing wrong with that whatsoever. It's not a matter of gold digging; it's a matter of survival of the fittest- most real men understand that. In order to have the most viable offspring, you must have access to the best possible resources. This is why most men want to work to achieve as much as they possibly can- thus making themselves as attractive as possible to women.

It's also necessary for you to define what is meant by "big fish" on an individual level. My definition may be completely different from yours. Does it mean highly intelligent, insanely wealthy, ambitious, practical, similar values, etc? What resources are most important to you?

Don't ever let anyone tell you differently or tell you that it's wrong to want these things. Those types of messages typically come from single women who live their lives in fear and from men who don't measure up to these criteria.

As women (self included) it's also important to ask ourselves: what do I bring to the relationship table?

How can you enhance this man's life and be an asset to him as opposed to a liability? What do you have going for you that would make him put you in the long term category as opposed to the jump-off/fling category?

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